Buckle up for a real talk with relationship expert Charlene Byers! We're ditching the "toxic masculinity" BS and redefining what it means to be a man today.
Ever feel like feminism and chivalry are on opposite sides of the spectrum? We'll explore how these forces can actually work together for a more fulfilling relationship.
Dating in the digital age is a whole new ball game. We'll discuss setting boundaries, the importance of clear communication. And the often undervalued art of patience. Learn how to cultivate trust and ditch the "swipe right, ghost later" mentality.
Ready to find your soul mate? This episode is your roadmap to intentional connection. We'll leave you feeling hopeful and inspired to embark on a journey towards lasting love.
GET IN TOUCH WITH CHARLENE:
https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/
https://charlenebyars.com
This episode is brought to you by Premier Ridge Capital.
Sign Up for our Newsletter and get our FREE E-Book where you'll learn everything you need to know about creating financial freedom through multifamily syndication.
Visit www.premierridgecapital.com now!
Introducing the 60 Day Deal Finder!
Visit: www.MartinREIMastery.com
Use the Coupon Code: WEALTHYAFfor 20% off!
This episode is brought to you by Premier Ridge Capital.
Build Generational Wealth As A Passive Investor In Multifamily Real Estate Syndication!
Visit www.premierridgecapital.com to find out more.
Buckle up for a real talk with relationship expert Charlene Byers! We're ditching the "toxic masculinity" BS and redefining what it means to be a man today.
Ever feel like feminism and chivalry are on opposite sides of the spectrum? We'll explore how these forces can actually work together for a more fulfilling relationship.
Dating in the digital age is a whole new ball game. We'll discuss setting boundaries, the importance of clear communication. And the often undervalued art of patience. Learn how to cultivate trust and ditch the "swipe right, ghost later" mentality.
Ready to find your soul mate? This episode is your roadmap to intentional connection. We'll leave you feeling hopeful and inspired to embark on a journey towards lasting love.
GET IN TOUCH WITH CHARLENE:
https://www.instagram.com/mscharlenebyars/
https://charlenebyars.com
This episode is brought to you by Premier Ridge Capital.
Sign Up for our Newsletter and get our FREE E-Book where you'll learn everything you need to know about creating financial freedom through multifamily syndication.
Visit www.premierridgecapital.com now!
Introducing the 60 Day Deal Finder!
Visit: www.MartinREIMastery.com
Use the Coupon Code: WEALTHYAFfor 20% off!
This episode is brought to you by Premier Ridge Capital.
Build Generational Wealth As A Passive Investor In Multifamily Real Estate Syndication!
Visit www.premierridgecapital.com to find out more.
Hey guys, welcome back. You're listening to Wealthy AF podcast, where we cut through all the BS and teach you what it truly means to be Wealthy AF. And with that being said, today we have Charlene Byers. And Charlene is a relationship expert and dating and love coach. She has studied women and men in relationships for over 20 years that's a long time, my dear and is a creator and founder of Relationship Revolution Systems and chosen a program for successful single women who want to be in a relationship with a devoted, masculine man. Her passion is coaching and leading women to live their most empowered lives and attract their soul aligned, devoted, masculine man. Charlene is also a podcaster, which hopefully she'll mention it here. A little bit about her podcast. We were talking a little bit off air and she's doing some amazing work there. I think a bunch of my female friends need to listen to you, to your podcast and what you're doing there. I want to talk about that too, because you're doing some good stuff there. So, charlene, thank you for coming on the podcast and welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, I was really looking forward to talking to you. I love your podcast and I was like, oh, I'm so happy to be a guest here today. Seriously, thank you for having me on.
Speaker 1:You're welcome. You're welcome, my dear. So my first question to you is how do you define masculinity from a female's perspective? Let's start there, because today's topic is a female's perspective on male masculinity, and I believe that masculinity, my opinion, this day and age, is under attack when it's so mainstream, the words toxic masculinity and all this bullshit excuse my language on masculinity. So I'd love to hear your perspective on masculinity.
Speaker 2:So I'd love to hear your perspective, 20 years in the field doing what you're doing. So first I want to say I love that. You said that masculinity gets such a bad rap and I think it's BS too. And when I talk about masculinity and I talk about you know, it's just like with anything else. I mean, of course you can have a man that's in his masculinity and he's a jerk, like seriously you can have a female.
Speaker 2:And I say the same thing. I said listen. I said jerks are either jerks or jerkettes. It's not gender, you know you can be a female. I call it jerkette. I just like to. It's not gender, you know you can be a female, I call it your cat.
Speaker 2:I just like to you know, have a name for it, but it's both ways. And what's interesting to me is, you know the I'm going to get, I'm going to answer this question, but I'm going to go a little around for a second. What's interesting to me is not only the bad rap that men are receiving, you know, with their masculinity, which me, as a mother, first of all, I'm a mother of four boys and I have a girl, so four boys and one girl, and I have, you know, really have been in the world of men, you know, forever. It's just that, it's just my jam right. When we talk about, like masculinity and we talk about feminine energy and masculine energy, what's the bad rap is they truly don't understand what it means. They think that masculinity is, you know, I'm in control, I'm awesome, I'm going to do whatever I want, and that is like the opposite of true masculinity.
Speaker 2:Yes the opposite of true masculinity, yes, but I've learned about a man that's in his like, like real masculine man. He's actually truly one of the most gentle souls. He actually has the ability, which is that emotional maturity, to be able to be safe for a woman, and I'm not just talking safe in the physical part, I'm talking safe with her heart. A true masculine man. He has room for women, he respects women, he understands women and he's in a different position in what a masculine man really, to me possesses is such a solidness, such a direction, like you know this is how I explain this so like I feel as a woman. I'm, you know, I'm a very feminine woman and I used to, really, I would say, for the most part, I would be more in my masculine energy. Okay, so we're going to get into, like, the masculine energy. But when I started learning what true masculinity is and what true feminine you know feminine energy is, I was able to, like, understand that when you are around a solid, masculine man, it actually gave me as a woman who has always been, you know, like the boss babe, go, go, go, do, do, do. I have a whole story why I do the work I do and why I'm here. But when you have that you know energy of the do, do, do, go, go, go, that masculine energy that I used to have, I really didn't trust men, I really didn't allow a true masculine man to come into my man got me Because feminine energy and masculine energy are completely opposite and they're both amazing and they're both strong and they're both needed and they're both beautiful. And the deal is, is that those energies it's not gender specific, right? So like you have a man that's you know a lot more in his feminine energy, not necessarily as masculine, or you can have a woman that's a lot in her masculine, so it's not gender specific. But when you have the alignment and things get aligned and you are really a woman, that is truly resonates with the feminine. And what I've learned is working with so many people like the majority I'm going to speak about the majority the majority of men. Honestly, they identify with the masculine energy and the majority of women, they identify more with the feminine energy. We're just getting a little confused right now. And so true masculinity I'm just going to wrap this up in a bow To me, true masculinity is a man who is emotionally secure and he has his own direction. He knows who he is and he knows how to show up for women.
Speaker 2:And we need to change this conversation about masculinity, because all I'm hearing is toxic masculinity. Well, there's toxic feminine women too, and so another thing that really really gets to me is when you think of genders, we say you have, you know, female genders and male genders. We can't say that a whole gender, which is the males, is bad, like you know, they're all. They're all toxic, like that's just bs. No, it's, it's all of us. It's it's all of us. So there's there's the toxic in the women, there's the toxic in the men. It's just really understanding and being in alignment, like where to look for you know, those healthy, healthy masculine men and where to you know where to find, like more healthier feminine women.
Speaker 1:A little tangent, because I know that's good stuff, good stuff, but you're sparking up some questions. On my curiosity. Yes, do you think that the feminine, the feminist, the feminist right, that's what you call the feminist movement has anything to do with this whole toxic masculinity thing, and what impacts do you think that movement I have my own ideas and my thoughts on that. I'd like to get your thoughts on that. Here's the thing, right. So the feminine feminist movement and I don't know this conversation can go different ways, but hey, we're having it, let's just stop it. So so the feminist movement and I know this conversation can go different ways, but hey, we're having it, let's just stop it.
Speaker 1:So the feminist movement? You know they're about women, protecting women and equal rights, and women were the same, blah, blah, blah. Great. So hypocritical to hear the feminists same feminists now today say it's okay to have a man participate in women's sports. That's bullshit. Like you're a hypocrite, like you're supposed to be all about the women, but you're supporting a dude playing. Let me, let me dress up, because the dude that's playing in women's sports is the dude that failed in male sports and now is going to go dominate in the women's sports. And all the girls are afraid they didn't want to get dressed in the dressing room and all this bullcrap and it's like it's hypocritical and they're the same one saying men are bad, but they're allowing men to play in their sports.
Speaker 2:It's just confusing to me oh gosh, so many, so many here. No, I'm right with you. It's actually just me again being a female woman, feminine woman, and I'm a mother of a daughter. So I'm obviously a big believer in women and women's rights and all those good things, but there's the but here. That is such BS. Are you kidding me? You cannot take like this is what I'm not liking. Like this is what's really driving me crazy, because I'm 51 years old. So you know I'm very young, but you know I've been around a little bit, so I'm not like in my 20s, not in my 30s. I'm 51 years old and one thing that I have realized throughout my journey is that a woman's a woman, a man's a man, and what is that? We are actually created different. We literally are created differently, and that is the beauty of us when a man was. It doesn't mean that women can't do things that men can do. Men can't do things women can do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, whatever Like seriously, but do we really want to's?
Speaker 2:the question seriously, because we don't. What's happening is is we are truly getting brainwashed. We're getting brainwashed because what I know about women and I'm talking, let me let me talking as a woman yeah, and what I know about us women, in generalization, again, there's, there's difference, everything. But let's truly talk about, like, the general public, come on, and women, we do resonate more with the feminine and we have, no, no desire to compete with a male, because I'm saying this genetically. You, you guys, come on.
Speaker 1:Can't compete with us. We're stronger.
Speaker 2:We're no, but you're. We're born completely different. Our bodies are different. Our way that we process things are different. Our hormones are different. A man cannot. If you're born a man, you cannot birth a child period and your body is not made to birth a child If you're, you know that's just not what it's made for. So when you take men that are trying to participate in women's sports, I mean this to me is just like such a disservice to us women.
Speaker 1:Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is disservice to us women. Yes, it is. It's such a disservice because we will never be able to have the strength and the capability of a male body. It's just how it is. It's like, why are people can't understand that it's different and that's how God created us and it's actually freaking amazing, it's really it's amazing, that we're so different. I love, trust me, I love that my husband he's a, he's a full, solid, masculine man.
Speaker 2:And let me just tell you something I'm I'm a woman that my parents, like my parents, um, came here, migrated from Cuba. Okay, so I'm first generation, you know, woman here. You know, I didn't even speak English until I was like six years old. So I grew up in an environment that I feel like I came from a jungle and I, as a little girl, have had to pretty much. I really had a really dark childhood and it wasn't, you know it, just what happened. It just was what happened. Nothing had nothing to do with me, it's just, you know the cars that I was dealt. So I had a really, really dark childhood. So since I was a little girl, I've had to like really protect myself. I've had to really understand that and I've had to like learn street smarts, street smarts. I'm really tough Now. If you look at me, I'm very feminine woman and I'm, you know, and I love to be in that energy. But if I'm somewhere out and about and there's something going on, I turn it on, you know like you know I'm like we're good.
Speaker 2:I always I'll cut you, don't mess with me.
Speaker 2:But I have no interest as a woman to have to do any of that because I have my husband and I feel, oh, thank you Jesus, that my husband is a masculine man. Thank you, jesus, my man, when we're walking on the sidewalk, he walks on the outside of that damn sidewalk because he's like you know what? I'm going to protect my lady. I'm going to make sure, if there's something that happens, that you know what. I'm the man. I'm here to protect her. I'm not here to protect the guy.
Speaker 2:That's not my job, because I actually physically, pretty much couldn't, you know, like seriously, any man, pretty much for the most part, can like like take over me, like honestly, come on, come on, ladies, and unless you're at the gym 24 hours and you're like boff and beefy and then maybe you can, like, you know, beat the guy up, but that doesn't how it works. So, yes, so we have to really slow this down and understand what is it that we truly actually want? Each gender, like what are we looking for? And the way that we've done things, you know, from back in the day, actually works. It actually works. It gives, when we're talking about the masculine and the feminine, energy, and you take that and you really look at it for that way. That's what we are truly missing. We're missing that again. We have gone too crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let me share a story, a quick story, with you. So a week ago I'm at Sam's Club with my wife, okay, and we're buying water bottles, you know the big 24. So my wife is like hey, babe, we need two of those. She ain't picking it up. She's like two of those in our cart, right. So I was like all right, I put them in the cart.
Speaker 1:And so we see there's a lady that's struggling little I'm gonna say she's a hundred pounds wet. I mean a little lady. And my wife is like help her, right. My wife is telling me help the lady. And then so I go to the lady and say, hey, do you need a hand? And the thing this lady said to me, this help the lady. And so I go to the lady and say, hey, do you need a hand? And the thing this lady said to me this is the feminist movement. No, no, I can do. She's struggling. Like visually, my wife is telling me help the lady, right, and I could see the lady struggling. I see her physically struggling, trying to kick the thing under her car, and she tells me no, no, no, I got it, I'm strong. This is her exact same words no, no, no, I got it. I'm strong, I go to the gym every day. And I just looked at my wife and I just looked at each other. We just smiled and we walked away and my wife said to me hell, no, if it were me, I would have said, yep, absolutely, grab it, put it in there for me, sure, no problem. This is what the feminist movement has done to women, where they won't even take help from a man because they feel like they're so strong. It's just, it was a kind gesture, I'm with my wife and, ladies, if that's you, I just want to say something to you and I'm going to speak to those women as a man, that is the biggest and the most, the biggest, absolute biggest turnoff for a man when a man is trying to do something kind for you. Because in order for a man to feel love, he needs three things he needs to feel needed, he needs to feel wanted and he needs to feel respected. And the minute a man doesn't feel needed because you're the boss, bitch, and you could do that, you got it all then he's like what's the point, or am I here for right?
Speaker 2:I agree with you. No, I 100 agree with you. I again let me tell you what's again. What's going on is, unfortunately, seriously, the message that society is telling women, the message that our mothers are telling us, the message that we're hearing constantly, constantly, constantly. You don't need a man, put on your all Boss bait, go go. You can do it just like a man. Well, let me tell you what's coming out of this. We have women that are exhausted. We have women that are doing everything. We have women now that are constantly like in a state of anxiety, constantly in a state of anxiety, constantly in a state of frustration, really confused, not knowing what the hell to do, not knowing if they're doing it right or wrong, but really they slow down. Let me tell you what they really are longing for. They're actually longing for, just like men are longing for companionship, Companionship 100%.
Speaker 2:Like true intimacy with a person that has your back, that you can trust. We're not actually meant to be here alone. You guys, I don't get this. We're not meant to be here alone. We're actually meant this is where we, as human beings, this is where we thrive. This is where we grow as human beings, this is where we thrive. This is where we grow when you're just like, is there anything wrong?
Speaker 2:You know, if you're in a stage in your life and you're like, let's say, if you were in a relationship, and now you're not in that relationship and you're in a stage in your life and you're really alone and you're finding yourself and you're healing, no, there's nothing wrong with that. But why are you doing that? You're doing that because you want to get yourself in a place to find a partner, because I always say this like again, I'm a very passionate Christian woman and that's just. That's my belief, and so I believe in God, I believe in Jesus and I believe in the Bible, and I feel like where the noise that we're hearing is trying to tell people this is what's going to make you happy. You know, when you're independent and you me, me, me and me, me, me and me, me, me and do, do, do and money, money, money and grow, grow, grow. People are not happy. I'm just telling you right now. They are not happy Because if you are not able to really share that with someone, there's this part of us as humans that when we are able to like, give and take care of another human being and look at you, know, and really be there, that's what actually, as like, lights us up and that's what I know about so many people Like you know, you can only do me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, for so much. It's just right. It doesn't work.
Speaker 2:So when you have it, when you are a woman and you're like, and especially with a man too, if you are thinking that you can do it all, then you don't need a man. That's exactly what he's going to do. What's the purpose of him? Because he's like, if you're, you're thinking, well, I can do it all, I can carry it all, I can do it all, I can do it all, I can do it all, well, then that's that. The signal and the message that you're saying is that I want to be alone, that I want to be alone, and that's they don't want to be alone. This is what I'm trying to tell you. This is the confusion. Women don't want to be alone, are you kidding?
Speaker 1:me. They've been sold. They've been sold. This story, charlene, of I'm strong, I could and you are. You know like I look at my wife. My wife is one of the strongest women I know. Right, this lady is, but she chooses to be in her feminine, like she told me, like man I'm not. If I got a man that can pick the thing up for me, I don't want to take out the garbage. Can she take out the garbage Absolutely? Can she do that stuff For? Can she take out the garbage Absolutely? Can she do that stuff For sure? Does she want to?
Speaker 2:No, she's like no, I don't want to, no, I don't want to. It's the same thing. Because women, ladies, let me tell you something how amazing the feminine energy is. When we are really able to, you know, be in our feminine energy with a masculine man, it actually works. You guys, you know, there's this thing that I teach it's called polarity. Okay, and polarity's been around for a long time and what polarity does is really allow, allows that energy to flow with one another so we can have that connection.
Speaker 2:Because we're not talking, you guys, listen, ladies men, ladies men, today we're having a conversation about romance, about romantic relationships. We're not having a conversation about platonic relationships. So how do we have aligned romantic relationships that grow and thrive Think about this that grow and thrive and both male and female feel all the warm and fuzzies? Okay, because, both male and female, it matters. It's not just what the woman, it's not just what the man, that's what polarity is. It allows both parties, which is the male and the female, to be able to have that alignment and that connection and that spark with each other. That spark, you guys, because we're talking about romance, we're talking about, like that, the juiciness, not just your regular, you know whatever we're talking about, sex we're talking about, like how we feel excited and wanted with our partner.
Speaker 2:Well, if you're not having that polarity, it just fizzles out and you actually become like roommates. And why are we getting into romantic relationships seriously to be roommates? Why are we getting into romantic relationships so he can be going to the left and you can be going to the right and we're not even doing life together? This doesn't make any sense Then. Then you're better off just being alone. Seriously, don't even waste your time. But if you're going to get yourself in a romantic relationship, get yourself in a romantic relationship that the polarity is really thriving and that the relationship is growing. And there's this, there's this safeness for both male and female. And when a man like when you just said about what you know, what a man needs and what a woman needs, it's totally fine. It's it's different, but it's very different.
Speaker 2:It's sexy, it's like come on, that's what that's, that's the whole point. You can't have that type of relationship romantically. You're not going to have that type of intimacy relationship with anybody else. You know how deep you can go with your partner. Go deep, get there, go in those layers. So it matters To me, it really matters the feminine and the masculine energy, because when a woman is completely just in her masculine energy, she's miserable 100%.
Speaker 1:A woman gets tired, burnt out when she's in her masculine. Which leads me to my next question what are some of the biggest challenge women are facing today in attracting a masculine man? Because everything you're saying I know every woman right now that's listening to this is saying, yeah, I'd love to have a man, and we call it a man, a masculine man. In my opinion, it's a man that's in this frame, a man that can stand strong and it's not emotionally up and down. You know, the other day my wife came into my office and she was like 22 years, 27 years together.
Speaker 1:It's a long time we know each other. She's like I didn't like the way you talked to me. This was a couple days ago. We had a whole discussion about it and wednesdays it was wednesdays for me are stacked with meetings. I'm meeting with project managers, I you know my business and my team and they're just stacked with my partners. My property manager, stacked with meetings. She said something to me or she was asking, making a request and and I just too many decisions, and I kind of. Maybe I was short with her, but she had the freedom, she felt safe enough to come into my office and call me on that.
Speaker 2:Hell yeah.
Speaker 1:Call me on that and I was like thank you for letting me know, I missed that and we need to create some boundaries here. Right, I think you forgot Wednesdays. I'm stacked, I missed it. I have so many decisions in my head and here you're asking me to call this person, you're adding one more thing to my list and I just unconsciously it didn't sit well with me and I just kind of responded to you um, not in the positive way, but we were able to talk that through. A lot of women want that masculine man, but they're going against. Their actions is going. It's a, it's a repellent, like the lady in the thing. So what are some of the biggest challenges, you see, that women face today in attracting those men?
Speaker 2:I think the biggest challenge women face today in attracting a masculine man is because she's operating in her masculinity period. And so what's happening is is when a woman is operating in her masculinity period. And so what's happening is is when a woman is operating in her masculinity, and we're going to talk about what that means. But when a woman is operating in her masculinity, she actually repels those masculine men. They have no desire. You just said it earlier on in this If you're a masculine man and you see a woman and I don't give a, I don't care how beautiful she is. Ladies, this is not about just look. I think that's wrong because let me say something a man will. I just actually did a post like this the other day. I wrote something um, a man will notice your looks absolutely first we'll notice that first looks, but you know what he'll fall for you based on how you make him feel.
Speaker 2:Does he feel also like, like seriously? Because one of the main things I know you talked about like you know you're a man and you talked about obviously you know what men need in general. One of the things that I know for sure that men need is they need to feel accepted. They don't need a woman trying to change them. You know, like, seriously, like when a man is falling for a woman and he can, that's how he feels safe. Wow, she's not trying to change me. Good stuff you know, this is like.
Speaker 2:That is like a light bulb moment for a man that he's able. This is when women say to me they're like I hear this about men all the time, you know, oh, he doesn't talk, he doesn't express himself. I'm like, yeah, he doesn't feel safe to think about it, because really, a true masculine man, if he's in his mask, if he's really in his masculine, he will always choose peace before anything else 100%.
Speaker 2:If he doesn't feel safe to talk to his lady, he's going to shut down. Ladies, because every time he talks, you're telling him he's wrong. You're telling him what to do, you're telling him how to do it, you're fixing whatever he did or didn't do. It's constant, it's constant, it's constant. So he's just going to shut up. He's done. So. What I'm saying is so, when, like, so what? The biggest problem is? So if a woman is not understanding these energies and she's operating her masculine energy, you know what she attracts feminine guys very feminine man.
Speaker 1:That's exactly. And they hate it then, and then they hate it yeah oh they hate it at first.
Speaker 2:No, let me tell you something. This is this is because at first they think they won the lottery. They're going, he's all, he's just so go with the flow. Well, then they start realizing as time goes by oh shoot, he makes no decisions. I'm doing it all, I'm, I'm, you know, planning all the dates. I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm like, like, so they get. It's such a turnoff that it's actually such a turnoff as time goes by, because it's almost like they're attracting men with no spine and and they're attracting men that are actually really looking for a mother and so they, so they naturally just become the mother and now they're in this relationship and seriously like who wants to have a romantic relationship that you feel like you're a man that is, like you said, emotionally secure and he can handle you.
Speaker 2:Because women have so many different emotions. We're very emotional beings and that's okay. That's so fabulous with us. Are you kidding me, you guys? That's how our bodies are made. Are you kidding me? That's just life. That's just what it is.
Speaker 2:So for me, this is how I look at a feminine energy. So it's like this so I so my husband. To me, he's very in his masculine. So I picture Mark, he's like, he's like this mountain, okay, so he's like this, still mountain. He says and this is Charlene, charlene's the ocean. So Charlene's like, and I crash into the mountain and like, and then I go back out and then I can get calm again, and then I crash against the mountain again and he's like but he can handle me, he doesn't take on my emotion, we don't have to fight about it, we don't. He doesn't. He's not like oh my God, why are you acting this way? Well, that's what happens when you're dealing with a feminine man. They take everything so personal and they don't allow you to just have that you know ability as a woman to just be a woman, with our emotions and with our and with our hormones and all of that. So that's where women are miserable, because they're like oh my gosh, this is exhausting. So that is truly one of the biggest issues that I'm noticing.
Speaker 2:We have these amazing women and ladies I'm not saying that we're not amazing, you're amazing, mom, I swear you're amazing you just don't understand that you're really leading all with your masculine. But what you really want and I know this to be true what they really want because I ask a question to women. When I work with women, what they really want is they actually want to feel safe with the man. They want to feel that the man like, truly wants them, like, like, wants them. They're like that. That man is like girl, I'm your man, I love you, I cheat girl. They want that type of safety. They want a man that knows where he's going in life, like he has an actual direction. You know. They're like yeah, let's go.
Speaker 2:You know they're like, yeah, let's go. You know they, seriously they. When you have, when you have a man that has direction and where he knows what he's going, do you know how beautiful it is when you have a woman on your side, how much that will catapult a man's life and how much that will a catapult a woman's life? Because you know two is better than one. Like, if you have, I'll think about this, let's talk about this. There's this couch. You know two is better than one. Like, if you're going to think about this, let's think about this. There's this couch and you're going to try to move that couch. Let me tell you something it's going to be really hard trying to move that couch by yourself, girlfriends, but you got to try to move that couch because two is better than one. So it's just having a different conversation about what it is that we're really wanting in relationships and really allowing people to go in that direction. So I hope I answered the question.
Speaker 1:You did, you did. I want you to talk to the men real quick because you said something really important in everything in what you said here when you started that statement. Can you tell the guys what does a masculine man really means to a woman?
Speaker 2:so what I would say is, when it comes to that, is that what women are really wanting and respecting. If they are in their feminine, they actually want men to lead. We're tired guys, you know. It's really in our nature to be able to go with you on a journey, and when a man takes full responsibility for his life and he knows what he wants for his life and he and I say this too about men, men, listen to this really clearly it truly is a man's job. Responsibility, call it whatever you want to call it. We're talking in this romance. You know, world, it really is a man's job to pursue a woman and it's the woman's job to set the pace. Okay, so if a man is is interested in a woman, you guys pursue her. Let her know loud and clear that you want her, that you want to be with her. You know I had this great conversation. Oh, my God, you're going to love this when we're talking about men, listen to this. So I have a, so I have four boys, and I was in the car yesterday this is not from yesterday. Oh, I was like, oh and dang, you're heading, you're ahead of the time here.
Speaker 2:So I was talking to Owen, owen's 16 year old. He's 16, you guys, he's gorgeous, tall. I mean, he's a beast of a man. But anyway, but the way that he's already thinking and the way that he's looking at life, I'm like Owen, you're going to be just fine. That's exactly what women are looking for. So he was telling me he's like mom. He's like mom.
Speaker 2:He's like let me tell you something he said you know, it's kind of weird because a lot of my friends and you know, and I'm thinking, okay, oh, they're 16, what the hell, you know? I mean at 16, you know, you're really trying to figure this out he was mom. A lot of my friends. He's like, they just don't get it. They actually don't get it. They, um, really allow women to like, control how they feel. I'm like oh, what do you mean? There's's something else I said what do you mean? He goes. Well, they're kind of mean mom, and I'm like okay, he's like. Yes, he's like. They pick on guys. So like, say, for an example, so let's say a guy's wearing a sweatshirt or something and it's you know it's different, and they'll be like oh's wrong with my sweatshirt. You know what's like, what's going on? He goes yeah, they don't know how to like, just like hold their frame.
Speaker 1:They don't know how to hold their frame yeah, and I said okay, what about you?
Speaker 2:oh, what happened with you? What do you do? He's oh, I'll tell you what I do. So, like it, let's say, it's not even me, mom, you know, because usually that you know they probably won't do that to me and I'm like okay, and he's not saying that, mom, don't give me, I'm not acting like I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm not and I know you're humble, I know and I'm not acting like I'm all that and cocky. It's like I'll tell you the truth. He's like I know, mom, I'm a good looking man, but I don't need to act like that. Like I'm, I'm fine. You know what I mean. I'm like okay. So what do you do, owen? He's like.
Speaker 2:Well, like, for an example, if a girl says that he goes, I will calmly just look at her and be like that's a really strange thing to say. And they'll always, mom, I swear they'll be like oh, oh, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. It's like. It's like. It's like you got to kind of call them out without calling them out. You know, like you don't. I don't have to be a jerk about it, mom. He said another word, but he's like I don't have to be a jerk about it. He's like.
Speaker 2:But this is what I realized he's like you know, I already had two girlfriends and he goes and and so I kind of feel like and and you, mom, because me I'm always talking about relationship and he goes and I kind of like understand like you just want a guy that really, like, takes the leap. This is his perspective and I said, yeah, he's like. Oh, he's like, so, like for me. He's like, if I'm, if I'm gonna ask girl out on a date, mom, he's like you girls are really indecisive, like, honestly, so I realized that, so I don't even go there anymore. He's like, so if I'm gonna ask a girl on a date, he is. What I really realize is that, like you guys do really well when I say something like this hey, I want to take you out on friday. You're available for friday. You know, I could pick you up at eight o'clock and I have this really great place I want to take you to. You probably have to dress really casual with, like you know, bring some layers I, I love it.
Speaker 1:This kid is sharp man.
Speaker 2:This kid is sharp Dude. I was like that was my spot.
Speaker 1:And I was like what is this?
Speaker 2:I don't know what to wear. Not like in a controlling way, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's leading, he's assuming the sale, but I wish my salespeople were like him.
Speaker 2:He said no, you need to know he's like you ladies love that. You don't want like. I know this. So, like, if I ask a woman, if I'm like, hey, we want to go eat, that's the wrong question. I have to say, hey, listen, I was thinking. You know we can go have sushi or we can have Mexican food. Which one are you in the mood?
Speaker 1:I love it, man, this kid is sharp, this kid is sharp man. That is sharp kid, sharp kid. Look, here's the thing, charlene, right, tell me as a man a lot of us don't have. I'm going to speak as an achiever because that's my personality. I'm an overachiever, right. So I'm a business owner and I like to win. So a lot of times for me, I'm going to speak for myself.
Speaker 1:And you know, birds of the same feather flock together and men like myself, right, we get so caught up in our businesses and the things we're doing because we're trying to provide for our families and we're just going, going, going, going, going, and sometimes we miss and I'll speak for a lot of men we miss the intentionality and the attention because in order for women to feel loved, they need attention and we miss the intentionality and the attention and I missed that for many years. You know, 22 years being married. I missed that for many years and it would be a lot of headbutting with my wife. You know, you don't plan nothing, you don't do it, and all that I had to grow up. And for men, with my advice to men listening to this, if maybe this is you when you're listening and you're like oh yeah, chinese or Japanese, or what your son did, which is brilliant, right, taking the lead and planning the dates. Women want this stuff.
Speaker 1:I have a book. I have a book that I use. I have it on my desk over here, my studio. It's a journal, and in the journal you write every day three things you're grateful for, your three top goals for the year, and then three things you're going to do today to get you closer to those goals. But at the beginning of the week in that journal, you plan out what are the top things that are going to, you know, for your goals, right, the top things you're going to do that week for your goal. And in that journal, for me and this is what's one of my rocks, it's my marriage and I had to be intentional with it for me as a man, because I know that my wife is looking for that she doesn't want to be planning a date.
Speaker 1:She doesn't. She'll send me. You know what she does. She'll send me little, yeah, he'll send me little instagram things, right, like hey, I found this place, look at this place, uh, this food truck, right, so she'll send them to me. She's giving me little hints, right, she's giving me little hints. So all I gotta do now is oh so she sent me three or four little hints of little places she's quote-unquote uncovering, so I just okay, great, we're going to go here on Saturday.
Speaker 2:She's not telling you. She's not telling you what to do, helping you out, and it's you to grab.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's throwing me little crumbs, right? So I'm like babe, thank you. You know I'm busy, you know, you know my days are stacked and so she's throwing me little crumbs. I just but, but, but for me, at the beginning of the week I'm spending. On Sundays I'm spending okay, what's my intention for next week? Around my marriage, around my relationship. What can I do? And I have date nights, right. I'm like, I'm intentional, like I write it down, guys. So when I first started doing this, one day my wife comes in, she looks at my book and she got pissed, charlene, she got pissed. She was like I can't believe that you have to put me in your calendar. And I just looked at her and I was like babe, you know, what I've been doing hasn't been working and this is what I need to make this work.
Speaker 2:Like. That's another thing. Please tell men like, honestly, like, don't take on her energy. A lot of men have a tendency to take the woman's all frantic or the woman's frustrated and the way that she's expressing herself right, and have a tendency to take on that energy and make it take it personal. It's not personal. It's for her to have her own energy and make it take it personal. It's not personal. It's it's for her to have her own energy and for a man to be able to understand. Okay, babe, you know we process differently, we are different and that's actually okay.
Speaker 1:So that's exactly exactly what I did. I was like, babe, she brought, she got it all, she got all mad and she for a day. And then I was like, fine, but this is what I know what I need, to make sure that you get what you need and you feeling that way right now, but it is what it is, this is what I need to do that's really good.
Speaker 2:It sounds like that you stood in that in that space my frame.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to stay in my frame because I couldn't. I can, because I know what I need. Like I know myself enough, like hey, dude, I get it. You feel this way because you see it, but because I had to write it down. But, hey, this is what I need. I know what I need to make this work.
Speaker 2:And let me just say and if you are like, I love that you just said that, I think that's fantastic, because if you're listening today and you know we went all over, you know, with masculine and feminine energy, all the things but if you are like listening and you're like, huh, okay. So what I'm hearing today is, you know, to have a thriving romantic relationship, there needs to be polarity, and polarity is, you know, really aligning with the energy. So which is the masculine and the feminine energies? And how can you know? If we're, specifically, when we started out today, talking about, you know, women, you know looking for a true masculine man and a lot of times you know it's the same thing Like when men are looking for a real feminine woman. You know they're not getting each party's not really getting what they're desiring the most. So what's happening here? Let me just throw this out there to give someone some tips on how you can actually slow this down a little bit and put yourself in a different position, especially if you're single and you are looking for a partner and you haven't had the best luck in the past.
Speaker 2:Okay, so one thing I want to say is, when you are dating, please, please, please, please, please, slow this down. Slow the process down. There is no need to rush anything. And what happens is is when we're rushing things is because the majority of us, a lot of people, are lonely and they are not. I want to say, well, get some desperateness, and then they're lonely, they're frustrated. You know they keep, they can, and then they're lonely, they're frustrated. You know they keep, they can't find what they're looking for. So a lot of times we settle. We settle in these relationships that really don't fulfill us and we keep going on and on and we're not in these relationships that fulfill us. It seems like with you, you know, you and your wife, that's what people are looking for. There's no perfect relationship, but they're looking for a relationship that you guys can grow together, stay together and learn each other as you're going. But that's not, that's not what people are getting into. So people now are rushing so fast, right, you guys, you're dating, you're not. You're not. First of all, you're not enjoying dating. Dating has become such a chore, you're not enjoying it and you end up in relationships that you're not happy with. Well, how are we going to slow that all down and how can you actually meet your partner? So this is the advice and the tip that I'm going to give you today.
Speaker 2:When you first meet someone, it's really important that you understand that, whoever that person is, you actually don't know who they are. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you have a good feeling, whatever that is, you actually don't know who that person is. So if you are meeting someone for the very first time, what happens is is all of us, when we meet someone for the very first time, it's almost like it is. It's like a we look at people. It's like a picture frame. We see people with the lenses of how we want to see them in the very beginning. It doesn't necessarily mean that's who that person is. It just means that there's something there that we associate with, like, for an example, so let's say, the guy had, like a really funny humor. So all of a sudden you associate that, oh, my dad has that kind of humor. So that's where we allow ourselves, like immediately to say, oh, we know who this person is or we trust this person. We actually don't know that person. That's just a little picture frame of who we think they might be.
Speaker 2:But what happens is, if you give this enough time and you go through the process that I'm teaching, I'm going to teach right now. It gives you an opportunity to actually really get to know someone. So when you meet someone, ladies, when you meet a man and men, this can go for you too. Okay, you actually need to first get to know them. That's the first one Know. You have to get to know them. How do you get to know someone? Takes a little time. It takes time to see, as time goes by, do their words, their actions, because you can.
Speaker 2:When you first meet someone, anyone can show up their best self. They can say you know, they can say I'm this, they can act like this, they can be polite, they can do this. But in time, do their words and their actions match in time? And when you first get to know someone, have you been able to surround yourself with people that know that person? And how is that person around people that know that person? How is that person around waitstaff? How is that person talk about their past? How is that person talk about life? Like, what are the things that you're hearing?
Speaker 2:Okay, so then, when you get to know someone, the second phrase is then you start getting to trust that person because you start realizing okay, as time goes by, I'm noticing that things are matching up and and as time goes by, you start trusting that person. So you're not having to rush this. We're not in a committed relationship right now. This is what dating is all about. Dating is all about getting to know someone so we don't end up in a toxic relationship with a toxic guy or a toxic girl.
Speaker 2:Okay, so now, when you start trusting that person, based on time and getting to know them, then you can start relying on them. Think about this You're getting to know them, huh, you're starting to trust them and now you can start relying on them. Think about this You're getting to know them, huh, you're starting to trust them and now you can rely on them. So now you realize you know what, when that person talks and says they're going to do something, they have integrity all the time. Now you're like oh, I really rely on this person. They say what they're going to do and they do what they said.
Speaker 2:Then, when you rely on someone, you guys, that's when you actually commit. And then when you commit to someone is when you touch, because if we are touching before, we are committing and we're not getting to know someone. That's where we're getting in these toxic relationships, that's when we're going against our hormones, which all of us will start happening when we start having some chemistry with someone, because chemistry can be very confusing. You can't just lead by chemistry, because chemistry will confuse you Chemistry- is based Much wisdom in what you just said, Charlene.
Speaker 2:Chemistry. Let me tell you what happens with chemistry. When you first meet someone, you have all your oxytocin. This is just how the body reacts Oxytocin, the dopamine it releases. And when that releases you guys, this is science. What it does is it literally shrinks your critical thinking. So if you have a picture of a brain, and a picture of a brain when someone has chemistry with someone and when someone doesn't have chemistry, so when someone's not having chemistry with someone, it's like it's all nice and flashy, it's all the, all the things are working nice. But when you have that like that, that those chemicals are releasing your brain, your critical thinking it's like this little dot, it shrinks. And this is when we ignore the red flags. This is why we get in these crazy relationships with the narcissist and all this.
Speaker 1:I've never heard that before. I've never heard that before and that's such an amazing framework, especially for young people. Young people don't have a frame like, not even young people, just us in general. We don't have a framework on how to navigate.
Speaker 2:I think what it is. It's just like I said, it comes down to when you slow things down and you don't rush that process, because you guys, if, if that person's really meant for you, and it's amazing, and you think, oh, we gotta, we gotta, quickly, you know, lock this in and and become an, an in a committed relationship. That's silly, because if that person is really meant for you and you guys have a good alignment and you guys are really connecting with one another, guess what's going to happen? It's going to get better in time. It's actually going to get better. So that's how you know, because you're like, oh, this is really good, because it gets better, and that's why you don't have to rush it and that's why you don't have to ever worry about that. You don't have to commit and be intimate with someone until you really know who they are.
Speaker 1:Charlene, thank you so much for coming on. I'm really, really grateful. I have one final question for you. Is there anything you haven't shared that you should have shared? That would bring an amount of tremendous, or something I didn't ask that I should have asked, that would bring a tremendous amount of value to the listeners and myself.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think we asked to talk about what is dating for, because I think that conversation is really important. I feel like, overall, men kind of understand this, but women don't, and ladies. So I want to say this loud and clear If you are a single lady and you're not committed to anybody and you don't know who that person is, my suggestion is it's very important that dating is all about getting to know someone, and I suggest, if you really want to get the best suitor for the job, the right guy for you, you don't put all your eggs in one basket. And when you allow yourself to be open and you date multiple people because, remember, I'm not talking about sleeping with people, I'm not talking about being in a committed relationship, I'm literally just talking about getting to know that person and when you position yourself and you date and my minimum dating is three people at a time and a lot of people get really worked up. They're like what does that mean, like three people at a time? Well, think about this If you are getting to know three different people at a time, you're really going to find out what it is and how those men are really showing up and you're going to see like who it is you are really having connection with.
Speaker 2:Because if you put all your eggs in one basket and you just get to know one guy at one time, do you understand? It's like sales. The odds of you it really is, the odds of you really nailing the right person is going to be slim, slim, slim, slim, slim, slim. But if you open that up and you allow yourself that space to truly position yourself, to get to know different people, that is going to give you the clarity of what it is and who it is that you really are aligning with and it's going to show you the difference between people. And when you just concentrate on just that one person that clouds your thinking, you get a little more obsessed. You start putting all your concentration on that one person and really you don't know that person yet. Because it takes time to get to know that person. My advice for you is slow things down, please, and understand. There's nothing wrong getting to know different people and position yourself. Dating different people and dating again is just getting to know who they are.
Speaker 1:Of course, using that framework that you gave doesn't feel and I'm going to just as I speak, I would suppose would, for a woman doesn't feel slutty if they're using the framework you just gave, because what you're doing is getting to know someone.
Speaker 1:You're not sleeping, so let's just be clear. Let's just be really, really clear. She gave a clear framework and it's first is get to know, right. And when she says and please correct me, correct me if I'm interpreting this wrong, you said three people, but you're getting to know, because that leads to the trust and then the relying, and that is just. That just makes so much sense. The framework you gave just makes so much sense. And it doesn't have to feel, ladies or gents, right, because some of us men have integrity. Not all of us are dogs, and when some of us have integrity, we want to do the right thing. That will not make you feel like you're out of integrity because you're just getting to know people.
Speaker 1:So, that is really really good counsel, very, very well said. If people wanted to connect with you, my dear, how do they find you? Where do they connect with you? How do they bring you on, maybe, as their coach? How do they join your tribe and your community?
Speaker 2:If you want to find me like right now. Right now I'm on social media. I'm on social media constantly and I do a lot of everyday stories and content on Instagram and that's Ms Charlene C-H-A-R-L-E-N-E Byers B-Y-A-R-S. Ms Charlene Byers. That's my Instagram and I also have a website. I'm also a columnist and I write for a magazine about women's empowerment relationships and you can find all that information on my website, which is Charlene Byers and Charlene at, you know, charlene Byers dot com. Charlene Byers is Charlene Byers C-H-A-R-L-E-N-E Plus. I also and I don't know if you can leave it in the show notes- We'll put all of this in the show notes, so you know If this is resonating with you.
Speaker 2:You know, ladies, and you are really like huh, I really like I'm hearing this, Like I'm noticing that I am also, you know, in my masculine energy. I don't know a lot about feminine energy and I do want to find a really great guy and all those things that might be coming up. I have a lots of free resources and I specifically have a resource and it depends on what you're looking for. I have a free masterclass that you can watch and you can learn some things that you can apply immediately in your life. And then I also have a free ebook, because, if you're more of like a reader, that truly is the same concept that you can apply things immediately to help you shift into your feminine energy and get into other things that we didn't talk about today, and that's just a free resource and that's called the Magnetic Woman, like how to truly find your aligned partner.
Speaker 2:And I'm also a podcast host. I have this amazing podcast, just like the amazing podcast I'm on today, I have a podcast called Love Stories with Charlene Byers and we talk about all of this. We talk about dating, we talk about how to find great men, how to really work the relationship so we can thrive, because that's the mission I'm on. I'm on a mission that love is available for all of us and let's make sure that we have great relationships, that we're growing and thriving and both of us, male and female feeling all the warm and fuzzies. And so I'm here to help. I also have programs. I have one-on-one work you can do with me and you can reach me at, like I said, my website. You can book a call. It's a free 45-minute call and we'll just get on a call and we'll do a nice love breakthrough call with you and I'll give you a guide so you can go on and have some guidance there. So, if this is resonating with you today, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Thank you, charlene. Ladies, if you're listening, those of you that are listening not if you're listening, but those of you that are listening that resonate. I know quite a few ladies in my circle friends that can use following you and listening to your content. I know that this is a struggle for a lot of ladies. Follow Charlene, listen to her stuff. It might be helpful and impactful. Thank you, charlene, for coming on here. Thank you for the conversation. My dear Appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much.